Forgiveness as a Self-Sovereign Path

“You can’t forgive without loving. And I don’t mean sentimentality. I don’t mean mush. I mean having enough courage to stand up and say, ‘I forgive. I’m finished with it’.” (Maya Angelou, in Douglas, 2019,  p. 100). The Latin origin of the word forgive is perdonare, which translates to giving completely and without reservation (Lin, 2021). Forgiving entails the profound act of resolving any lingering sentiments of resentment or urges for vengeance (Lin, 2021), echoing Angelou’s wisdom: I forgive. I’m finished with it. Forgiveness emanates from a profound love for oneself as part of a greater whole and a shedding of burdensome energy, igniting a transformative release with rippling effects.

Learning the art of forgiveness could arguably be considered one of life's most demanding and profound endeavors (Luskin et al., 2005). According to Luskin, this is challenging because we resist “making peace with the word no, we argue about how life turned out” (personal communication, January 23, 2024). The process of forgiveness begins when we transcend the need for that suffering and choose sovereignty and psychospiritual freedom.

Forgiveness is a personal journey of self-love, self-discovery, transformation, and empowerment. It involves taking ownership of one’s healing and reconciliation rather than depending on others or external circumstances to facilitate this process (Luskin, 2001; F. Luskin, personal communication, January 23, 2024). This self-agency can lead to a profound experience of peace and liberation. Liberation from the energetic charge of past events and the associated grievance story, from the venom of anger and rage, and from the need to control and change what has happened.

Forgiveness does not change one’s history; it changes one’s experience of the present when past wounds no longer hold influence over the Now. Moreover, forgiveness dissolves the blame and the grievance story that caused continued residual suffering. Luskin articulated this concept as follows:

Forgiveness is a change in story from the victim story identification of the wounded weak part of it, which is something flat out true…until you recognize the story is a tremendous limitation of your current experience, and you investigate your own resilience and the story changes…moving away from victimhood. (F. Luskin, personal communication, January 23, 2024)

Forgiveness does not negate the offense and the associated pain and suffering; it is an act of transcendence.

This paper aims to examine further and define the self-transformative nature of forgiveness. It includes specific accessible interventions while also highlighting the psychological and physical effects of forgiveness. Before delving into the virtues and qualities of forgiveness, it is crucial to address what forgiveness is not, as misconceptions about forgiveness may hinder one’s willingness to embrace it fully or genuinely.

What Forgiveness is Not

While forgiveness has an expansive definition depending on its source, there is a consensus among theorists and researchers regarding what forgiveness is not (Harris et al., 2006). Forgiveness is distinct from pardoning, condoning, excusing, forgetting, and denial (Harris et al., 2006; McCullough et al., 2000). Pardoning is a legal concept, condoning justifies the offense, excusing suggests extenuating circumstances, forgetting implies memory loss, and denial involves an unwillingness to acknowledge harm. Additionally, forgiveness differs from reconciliation, which involves restoring a fractured relationship, which is not a necessary component of forgiveness. When reflecting upon the important boundaries of what forgiveness is not, it is beneficial to broach the concept of unforgiveness.

Unforgiveness

Unforgiveness involves prolonged negative thoughts and emotions such as resentment, bitterness, hostility, hatred, anger, and fear directed towards a transgressor (Harris et al., 2006). It is distinguished from the immediate emotional response to injustice like anger, persisting in situations where hurt continues over time, often characterized by perseveration, rumination, and suppression (McCullough et al. in Lopez & Snyder, 2011). However, not everyone who experiences offense or harm necessarily experiences unforgiveness.

Unforgiveness stems from a limited point of view, often culturally or generationally engendered, where wounds are used to justify wounding others (F. Luskin, personal communication, January 23, 2024). These negative feelings can be held subconsciously or consciously; in either case, they can negatively influence one’s actions and well-being.

Unforgiving, with its attributes of ongoing ruminations of the offense, has been associated with sadness, anger, enmity, and decreased feelings of control (Luskin et al., 2005). Unmanaged hostility and anger can harm the cardiovascular system and has demonstrated arousal of autonomic reactions such as heart rate and blood pressure. On the other hand, forgiveness can mitigate or resolve emotional and physical stress as will be discussed after investigating the profundity of forgiveness.

Exploring the Depths of Forgiveness

According to McCullough et al. (in Lopez & Snyder, 2011), all humans tend to forgive. When viewed through evolutionary, philosophical, and theological lenses, the concepts of good and evil, harming and helping, and offending and forgiving are all inherent aspects of the human condition (McCullough et al., 2000).

Religious and spiritual literature found around the world encourages forgiveness as a means to healing, transformation, and spiritual evolution (Luskin et al., 2005). In all three major monotheistic religions, there is a common belief that since people receive forgiveness from God, they should also forgive those who wrong them (McCullough et al., 2000; Toussaint et al., 2020). According to McCullough (2000), many religions and value systems portray forgiveness as a source of human strength and  benefit both mentally and physically.

Throughout history, major religious traditions have consistently praised forgiveness for its redemptive impact on transgressors and victims. It has intrinsic value as a virtue, and its role as a vital component of social cohesion within marriages, families, and communities (McCullough et al., 2000). Along with gratitude and compassion, forgiveness is encouraged in most spiritual writings as a fundamental aspect of an enlightened path (Luskin, 2004; Luskin et al., 2005).

According to Lin (2021), forgiveness is a dyadic interaction between a wrongdoer and a wronged person; the process of forgiving includes the victim releasing negative emotions towards the wrongdoer. From a Buddhist perspective, simply put, “forgiving brings happiness, and harbouring [sic] hostility brings suffering” (Lin, 2021, p. 267); it is a transcendent act. Additionally, the fourteenth Dalai Lama’s position on forgiveness can be summed up this way:      

All wrongdoing is rooted in ignorance and suffering; forgiveness is both an act of compassion towards another and a means to achieve self-transformation; and we should be grateful to those who hurt us as they give us an opportunity to advance spiritually. (p.268)

The practice of loving-kindness within the Buddhist tradition tends to lead to sympathy for the transgressors (Lin, 2021). This is not unlike Jesus’ urging as found in the bible: “Father, forgive them, for they do not know what they are doing” (Lin, 2021, p. 278). In essence, forgiveness is a great liberator and a catalyst to align with Love.

From a psychological perspective, forgiveness emerges from pro-social motivations (Wohl & McLaughlin, 2014). Forgiveness is a constructive, prosocial shift in a victim’s thoughts, emotions, and/or actions towards a person deemed responsible for wrongdoing (Harris et al., 2006; McCullough et al., 2000). According to Luskin (2001), forgiveness is the feeling of peace that replaces pity as the painful experience becomes less emotionally charged and accountability is acknowledged. The choice becomes to forgive or “continue suffering by insisting that life be run on our terms” (Luskin, 2012, p. 207).

Forgiveness reduces unforgiveness and increases positive emotions, such as hope, empathy, and compassion (Harris et al., 2006). In terms of optimizing health, transformative practices, specifically forgiveness interventions, are tools that improve physical, mental, or spiritual function (Luskin, 2004).

Forgiveness Interventions

Several forgiveness interventions and therapeutic approaches are available to aid individuals in navigating the forgiveness process (Toussaint et al., 2020). These interventions vary in their theoretical foundations and techniques, but they share a common goal of facilitating the process of forgiveness and promoting emotional well-being. This paper will focus on techniques developed by Everett L. Worthington Jr. and Fredric Luskin, both considered leaders in the field of forgiveness.

REACH Forgiveness

The REACH Forgiveness method, developed by Everett L. Worthington Jr., offers a structured pathway toward forgiveness (Toussaint et al., 2020). This method guides individuals through steps that facilitate the process of letting go and moving through forgiveness with clarity and purpose. Descriptions of each REACH step are as follows:

1. Recalling the hurt (R): This step involves acknowledging and accepting the hurt or offense that was inflicted and its emotional impact.

2. Empathizing with the offender (E): In this step, an individual attempts to understand the perspective of the transgressor. Empathizing can help foster compassion towards the offender.

3. Offering an Altruistic gift of forgiveness (A): This step involves consciously offering forgiveness to the transgressor. It is an intentional act of resisting resentment and desire for revenge. Offering forgiveness is a gift you give yourself and the offender, promoting healing and reconciliation.

4. Committing to forgiveness (C): Commitment to forgiveness entails maintaining and honoring the offered forgiveness. It involves actively choosing to let go of negative emotions, related to the offense, and instead, cultivate a mindset of forgiveness.

5. Holding onto forgiveness when doubt arises (H): This final step acknowledges that doubts and negative emotions may resurface, even after forgiveness has been granted. It emphasizes working through these doubts rather than allowing them to stall or negate your progress.

Overall, the REACH Forgiveness method provides a mindful framework for individuals to navigate the process of forgiveness, from acknowledging the hurt to ultimately achieving emotional healing (Toussaint et al., 2020). It emphasizes understanding, empathy, intentional decision-making, commitment, and resilience in facing challenges.

Forgive For Good

According to Luskin’s (2012) model, Forgive For Good, opting for forgiveness can be a freeing experience. He emphasized that forgiveness is solely possible due to our capacity to make choices, minimize personal attachment to the offense, adjust the internal narrative, and decide that liberation is more ideal than suffering. Forgive For Good has nine meaningful steps:

1. Acknowledge and articulate your feelings about the hurtful situation to a couple trusted individuals or friends as preparation for forgiveness.

2. Commit to actions that will help increase peace. A critical reminder is that forgiveness is for your benefit, not necessarily for the offender.

3. Understand your goal of peace; forgiveness aims to bring harmony and lessen blame, not necessarily reconciliation. Focus on finding inner peace for your benefit.

4. Gain perspective by realizing that your distress is rooted in your present hurt, not solely the past event.

5. Practice a simple stress management technique: When ill feelings emerge about what happened, direct your attention to your stomach as you take two deep breaths. Then, imagine something meaningful or beautiful that you love or brings joy. Anchor these feelings that emerge from this positive refocusing in your heart and relax into them.

6. Let go of unenforceable rules or expectations placed on others or situations that cause hurt. Stop demanding changes from people or circumstances beyond your control and focus on actively pursuing what you can influence for your well-being.

7. Instead of dwelling on past hurt, find alternative ways to fulfill your goals. For example, if you have sought love and approval from an indifferent parent, seek a mentor who can provide the support you need.

8. Live a fulfilling life as the ultimate response to those who have hurt you. Instead of dwelling on negative feelings, focus on appreciating the beauty and kindness in the world. Cultivate gratitude, shift your perspective away from the bitterness toward life’s unfairness.

9. Change the narrative of your grievance story and choose to forgive. By reframing the story and focusing on forgiveness, you reclaim power from the situation that hurt you. This shift in mindset brings peace and reduces the influence of past grievances on your life as it exists now.

Both methods presented their intervention in distinct ways, yet they were shown to be equally effective when compared through an efficacy trial (Toussaint et al., 2020). They shared several common elements, including identifying a specific hurt, employing decision-making, and managing emotions. Forgive For good emphasized the benefit is more for the forgiver, while the REACH method included an altruistic aspect of considering the offender’s perspective. Both methods are a self-sovereign path that frees the individual from the suffering that stems from continued and residual anger and resentment. The mental and physical implications of forgiveness are also positive motivators and will be explored next.

The Psychological and Physical Impact of Forgiveness

Forgiveness is a complex journey that transforms the offended individual's spiritual, emotional, cognitive, and behavioral aspects, impacting their wellbeing (Luskin, 2001; Luskin, 2004). As a topic of scientific research in the last few decades, the salutogenic effects on emotional and somatic health are being acknowledged (Luskin et al., 2005). In Luskin’s (2004) dissertation research he found that “forgiveness training reduced hurt, state and trait anger and increased compassion, self-efficacy, forgiveness likelihood, and hope” (p. S-20).

People who forgive differ from less forgiving people in many psychological aspects (McCullough, 2000). Forgivers “report less negative affect such as anxiety, depression, and hostility… are also less ruminative, less narcissistic, less exploitative, and more empathic

than their less forgiving counterparts” (McCoullough, 2000, p.9). Forgivers tend to support attitudes and behavior that are socially desirable. Furthermore, self-reported tendencies towards forgiveness exhibit inverse correlations with levels of hostility, anger, and clinicians’ assessments of hostility, passive-aggressive behavior, and neuroticism.

Forgiveness can result in decreased anger, anxiety, depression, and improved well-being (Luskin et al., 2005; Wohl & McLaughlin, 2014). Research findings have shown that forgiving one’s parents, for example, correlated with increased self-esteem, improved attitudes towards fathers and mothers, reduced anxiety and depression, and higher levels of hope (McCullough, 2000). Additionally, longitudinal studies demonstrated that forgiveness treatment groups reported increased hope, and decreased anxiety and depression in comparison to the control group (McCullough, 2000). The positive effects sustained a year after the intervention indicated resolution and forgiveness intervention efficacy.

Studies exploring the relationship between forgiveness and physical health have focused on mitigating the stress and detrimental cardiovascular impacts associated with a specific unforgiving reaction: hostility (McCullough et al. 2000; McCullough, 2000). In one study, participants displayed heightened reactivity in cardiovascular indicators (heart rate, blood  pressure) and sympathetic nervous system responses (skin conductance levels) when exposed to unforgiving imagery trials compared to forgiving imagery trials. Cardiovascular improvements with reduction of hostility yields a healthier “forgiving heart” (McCullough et al., 2000, p. 16). Perhaps this forgiving heart leads to the absolute kind of Love that Maya Angelou declared was necessary to forgive.

Conclusion

To respect and honor one’s humanity is paramount to true transformation and psychospiritual liberation. Life inherently brings about wounding experiences; no one is exempt from this condition of living human. Repressing, suppressing, or perseverating on the resulting emotions and feelings leads to poor mental and physical health (McCullough, 2000). Avoiding these feelings is “an unwillingness to be human” (F. Luskin, personal communication, January 23, 2024). Having agency and embodied personal power can lead to freedom from the energetic chains of the past.

This paper examined various aspects of forgiveness and its benefits, specifically as a self-sovereign path. Wayne Dyer (2008) shared his transcendent and liberating experience, stating, “Though I was unaware of it at the time, that simple act of forgiveness was the beginning of an entirely new level of experiencing life for me” (p. 9).

It is important to acknowledge that everyone is a villain in someone’s story (F. Luskin, personal communication, January 23, 2024). The fourteenth Dalai Lama said, “We are all equal in that we all transgress out of ignorance. With this interconnected empathy, compassion and forgiveness flows [sic] naturally” (Lin, 2021, p. 270). Extending forgiveness to one’s transgressors is also a manner of extending forgiveness to oneself.

As stated by McCullough et al. (2000) and applicable to current global unrest, “as interdependent people, we simply have too much at stake to ignore the promise of forgiveness as a balm for some of our species’ destructive propensities” (p. 21). Forgiveness is a choice and a freeing path that individuals can choose to embark on for their own well-being and personal growth; and in doing so it invariably effects their interpersonal, collective, and ecological relationships. It begins with a choice. I choose Love. I choose freedom.

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